So – I decided to do a thing. For whatever reason, I’ve been trying excessively hard to be doubtful about my upcoming adventure (aka Return To Scotland). I’ve been jealous, lost, uncertain. I know – not nearly as confident as my old Scottish self. And that’s when I realized: I should revisit that person and remember WHY I wanted to return. Because, I mean, it really was a spectacular 6 months.
To fill everyone in: I just graduated from undergrad at Cal Poly Pomona with an English Literature degree. YAY I can certifiably write and read things now! Well, that’s the thing – undergrad wasn’t enough. So I spent an entire year of my life preparing to go to graduate school (specifically the University of Glasgow in Scotland, naturally), applying to scholarships, grants, applications. And yet, when I finally got my acceptance into the Fantasy Literature Masters program, my reaction was rather shocking. I wasn’t ecstatic. I wasn’t relieved. I wasn’t even that proud of myself. Sure, it hadn’t been my initial program, but hey, it was still a similar program, one I would enjoy more and would benefit me more, in fact, and it was still at my dream school. So – what’s the problem? you’re thinking. Funny you should ask because the problem was, well, me. I had talked myself out of it. Convinced myself I could only have one home and that home was no longer in Scotland. Scared myself silly thinking my new California soulmates would abandon and forget about me as soon as I left. Or that I would immediately abandon and forget about them as soon as I got off the plane.
It was PTSD, really. Not to inappropriately use the term, but I really did have a hard time. I’d just overcome a 2-year heartbreak, after all, and I wasn’t quite in the mood to take on another. Life is tiring when you’re constantly breaking your own heart.
So! My decision is this: From now until the day I leave for this journey and kilt-clad adventure round 2, I will post a picture or two (or three heh) from my old Scotland trip and will discuss what I did in that moment, what was special about it, etc, etc, and most importantly, what I will do differently this next time around.
Because, let’s face it, a large part of my heart is still stuck in Scotland and it would be silly to sit here and pretend that is no longer true because things have changed. In five months’ time, I will embark on a journey filled with opportunity for myself, for my writing, for my future, and I have absolutely no excuse to be a bitch about it.
To start off:
I am going to pack WAY better than I did before. What is this shit? Come on – you’ve got to FOLD your small shirts and stuff your sweaters in the corners so they don’t take up so much space. But I guess I wasn’t savvy then. I hadn’t yet embarked on two separate backpacking trips around Europe.
Don’t you children worry, I’ve learned from this mistake as well. It was only a few weeks ago I packed 12 different outfits into that wee duffel bag in the back. The black one? Yeah, that’s right. I did that. So clearly here, I was not that inventive. But I was excited, you know? It was a new environment, a new life, a new scene. I had to bring it all. This time around, I’m only going to bring 18 hangers and will split those between pants and sweaters. Or — trousers and jumpers. See? Already practicing.
It’s going to be a fun year, I can tell you that.
P.S: Some of you may recognize these photos. I swear the content is different though. Trust me. Just keep reading. It’ll be great.
“I will fly, chase the wind and touch the sky” – Brave, Touch the Sky